CONVOS I WISH I HADN’T: Choosing the Wrong People/How Silence Can Be Golden

I’m sorry, it saves a lot of conversation.

Cary Grant (playing “Commander Andy Crewson”) in the 1957 movie Kiss Them For Me, after walking up to a civilian and punching him in the face.

Forgive me, gentle reader, for again and again, I have chosen unwisely. Wrongly. The people to converse with. But should this mean that violence should automatically follow?

Folk journalists must be careful when working: language is lethal! Poet Amiri Baraka warned, “Language is inflammatory and TV is the gasoline.”

But for our purposes – going against the grain and screens — by talking face-to-face, the light comedian’s touch is preferred. I try to keep more in tune with Robert Klein who sang on one of his first lps, “I had no punches/but I had a few punchlines!” *

I know what you’re thinking: Is folk journalism too dangerous a profession? How about as a hobby then? Because why oh why do I find myself on the end of so many fists?

(The term, “wrong end of a fist” seems weird to me. The right end of a fist is the wrist, right? Never been punched by a wrist, have you?)

The folk journalist’s wish to talk to someone is a seeking to bring a person into my world. Someone not myself. Bring them in, make them part of my family. And perhaps add interesting stories to my life. Like Bob Dylan put it in Black Diamond Bay: “Seems every time you turn around/there’s another hard luck story that you’re gonna hear/And there’s nothing anyone can say.”

Well Bob, actually there is a lot they can say. To me. And one reason to make the attempt by asking is that aside from other people (and nature’s forests, etc), there is nothing left to do alone but record or write down the words. And then continue to tell them.

After all, who are you by yourself if you’re not connecting with another human being? But is there a safe line you can attach to keep the convo from crashing?

Bruce Springsteen sings that he’s, “just a scared and lonely rider” in Born To Run, and the fear is definitely a factor folk journalists live with. Perhaps there are people I shouldn’t be talking to. Is it true they can smell the fear?

It is 1992, I’m strolling with a friend in New York’s Little Italy after seeing the movie Hairspray, John Waters’ movie about race relations in the 1960s. Another couple passes by. I exclaim, “Hairspray!” a remark to my friend to notice how the couple passing us both wear throwback piled-high big hair-dos just like….D’oh! Two seconds later, I’m being chased down Mulberry Street and ducking to hide inside a bodega behind the two Dominican brothers who run the joint hoping they’ll protect me.

The guy in the passing couple wanted to punch me out! Can you believe it?

Thus, I learned that no matter if you offer it with joyous intent or simply as an icebreaker, every comment/outburst does not lead to conversation.

Back Pocket Banter

Ever go over the line in conversation? What happens?

Do you remain silent in situations where you’d like to speak? Why?

What situations have you found yourself in where silence was required?

What’s the oddest or scariest situation brought on by something you said?

Ever tried to converse with silliness as a way out of a dangerous situation?

Activity

Some conversations MUST TO AVOID

– Once a movie starts. Come on people!

– Bicycle to car. Car to bicycle convo seems safe (aside from “Get the heck outta my way!”) but there are way too many variables the other way.

– Talking with Rebels. I’m talking about the Upstarts Upstairs. Best to let the kids have their music. Includes keeping leaders of NYC’s Savage Skulls motorcycle club at the long end of your recording device. Interviewing this fellow, I wondered why he wore a swastika button on his leather jacket. His answer: “I wear that because I don’t believe in that. Nazis-ism and shit.”

(Oh. Okay. Who could challenge that? Not even Wordsworth could’ve made words work there.)

– With someone already multitasking. When they’re walking, talking or telling you their computer problems? Best to maintain silence.

– Talking to Someone Speaking in Tongues is not a good idea. Why interrupt? Also true around Zombies or anyone else giving chase and

(Whoops. Hadda get outta there.)