Have you ever been NOSTALGIC for good conversation? Not just with friends, but with anybody?
That’s next time, coming to this blog near you ASAP!
Bonus
Humor is “that insuperable friendship coagulant,” writes Catherine Blythe on page 218 of her helpful book, The Art of Conversation.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Conversation-Neglected-Pleasure/dp/1592404979
PoSt MoDeRn CoNvERsaTiOnS
WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT WHAT WE TALK ABOUT LIKE WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT BEFORE
My compliments to the ocean.
Dick Cavett in a restaurant after being served a nice piece of fish.
A good folk journalist makes for a good emcee. Like Mr. Cavett, bringing the table together. A Master of Ceremonies. Bring on the Fun Conversations. That’s me!
How does one speak MC ?
Here’s one thing to try: Offer remarks that bring the most amount of people together at one time:
“Well, it looks like introductions are in order!”
“Did you make that yourself?”
“What’s your sign?” (Mine is Slippery When Wet. Thanks to Wavy Gravy for this.)
So are you ready to emcee yourself?
[See QUICK OPENERS, DECEMBER 7 2015 for Paul Sills’ advice: “Encourage the laggards.”]
Expert Catherine Blythe suggests in her book The Art of Conversation aiming for about four minutes before cutoff. No longer than that. Keep that convo moving, “like a good game of Frisbee.” Otherwise, she says, it becomes boring — I mean, people and their freakin’ monologues, right?
http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Conversation-Neglected-Pleasure/dp/1592404979
Q: What is having to listen to somebody talk for fifty minutes and not getting paid?
A: The opposite of therapy!
How does a folk journalist avoid that happening?
A lot of people get into conversations just to let you know who they are. They have no interest in you. (Hard to believe, right?) So why bother listening to them playing the same tape made-to-impress? And how to get an edge in word-wise and actually have conversations with people who talk a lot?
Folk journalists know that wrangling the ego of such a talker takes semi-masterful talk techniqueing. So here’s how to enjoy listening to them, even as they go on and on ad infinitum.
The growing field of Ethnomonology* is here. Finally!
Taught online usually, for profit, and soon to be a major growth industry, ETM teaches that humanity’s monologues may actually teach us about said person rattling saying along. There’s the guy who narrates his lives as he goes through it. Often you see him with ear buds and a phone, describing what corner he’s approaching (BEING HERE THEN!). He often uses Elmore Leonard’s “marijuana tense”** which author Martin Amis describes as dialogue using a present participle that creates a hazy sort of meandering now: “Bobby saying,” and then the dialogue follows.
If this seems difficult to handle, don’t despair. Think this is hard — try living in Papua, New Guinea; at least one tribe there speaks in 17 different tenses.
Languages of Papua: http://www.ethnologue.com/country/PG/languages
“You get my drift?”
– I’m following your smoke.
Still however, you may find yourself learning very little by listening. Nothing, maybe?
When walking with such individually-linked to themselves lingua leaders, remember this: Out amongst his own self, desiring nothing more than to be marveled at/gazed upon, heard in all his incredible incrudibleness, which he believes after all to be the next evolutionary stage of a human being — doubtful: By observing you may still pick up a lot of visual information to enjoy and/or play with.
Or as Yogi Bear once put it: Heyyy Boo Boo, from this viewpoint we can get a better outlook! (Or was that Yogi Berra?)
But if all your emcee attempts fail, chalk it up to what Holden Caulfield describes as, referring to conversations, “Goddam boring ones.” In Catcher In The Rye, he gets involved in more than two dozen confabs. But don’t worry, some of them he finds, “slightly intellectual.” ***
Finally, if still in doubt, you can blame it on The System, referring yourself to this Firesign Theater video:
Confidence in The System https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDqk8o6y13Y&feature=kp]
Enjoy!
* Invented for entertainment purposes only.
** Elmore Leonard’s “marijuana tense” http://austinkleon.com/2005/12/22/elmo-leonards-present-participle/
*** J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher In The Rye is terrific for lovers of conversation: http://mentalfloss.com/article/64836/13-things-you-might-not-know-about-catcher-rye
When you listen better you think better; when you think better you do better.
Dr. Shana L. Redmond, USC Professor
By the other I don’t mean another device like the one this guy is wailing at.
I’m talking about another person. This is about being curious and listening louder.
As art forms go, listening is little studied, scarcely taught. It is the opposite of passive.
The Art of Conversation A Guided Tour of a Neglected Pleasure by Catherine Blyth
Recognizing the “other” is not as scary as it first appears. But to recognize and actually listen is easier than you might imagine.
“Look at that,” I said to a woman in a modern coffeehouse in San Diego. Written on the wall was, “A yawn is a scream for coffee.”
“Purple is a striking color on you,” I told someone at a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Ventura Boulevard.
Next, I asked a man about his dog.
“What kind of mutt is that?”
No response. I remembered how sensitive people are about their pets.
“I mean mongrel,” I corrected myself. “ Sorry. What kind of mongrel is that?”
“No, that’s okay. He’s a rescue,” came the response, as it usually does.
Are you frustrated that sometimes the only conversation you get to overhear in cafes is, “Text me that,” or “I’ll call you with that.”
This patter is what passes for direct communication? (I know, at least we never hear, “Just fax it over,” anymore.)
And yes, it does save paper. Here’s another paper-saving technique: talk to each other.
In these modern times, conversational coffeehouses are everywhere.
Some of the best are:
* Operated by a church, featuring inspirational music and subsistence level pricing.
* University cafeterias, prices low and conversations loud, involving classes, Profs, arguments over New York bagels versus California bagels.
* Bowling alleys, the sound of crashing pins able to block out everyone else so you can stimulate inner conversation with yourself. Or just listen louder.
* Pizza parlors and other places featuring “groaning boards” – long, shareable tables where gentlemen sit sometimes, talking the morning away. (Fine for eating/eavesdropping; see my upcoming menu/memoir, Table For Three? for more on the subject)
Back Pocket Banter (things to know and ask as folk journalists)
What raised your curiosity today?
What’s the last thing you overheard?
What’s your go-to stimulating drink of choice?
We’re sitting in a coffeehouse. What can I learn from you?
Imagine engaging in a “battle of wits.” What happens?
Bonus
Starved for conversation after moving from NYC to LA, I made arrangements to meet up with two like-minded companeros who would pick a different coffeehouse — joints called Insomnia, Highland Grounds, or Open Latte — and set about holding weekly confabs about a current book or movie. For a couple of three hours, this was called “Nick Night,” because my friend Tip considered his friend Nick a special guest promising stimulating intellectual inquiry.
Nick got married, he and Shannon had a daughter and left Los Angeles to raise her right in Portland. Recently I visited him up there, not far from a branch of Powell’s Bookstore on Belmont, in a joint called Dick’s. There we continued where we left off. Sometimes you have to go a long way for good convo with a pal, or as Allen Ginsberg wrote in his 1955 poem “Howl,” someone, “who drove cross country seventy two hours to find out if I had a vision or you had a vision or he had a vision to find out Eternity.” *
Dr. Shana L. Redmond’s book Anthem: http://nyupress.org/books/9780814770412/
Catherine Blyth’s book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Conversation-Neglected-Pleasure/dp/1592404979
Social media seems so easy; the whole point of its pleasure is its sense of casual familiarity. But we need a new art of conversation for the new conversations we are having—and the first rule of that art must be to remember that we are talking to human beings. Stephen Marche, “The Epidemic of Facelessness” NY Times February 15 2015
Play is young people’s work.
Gisele Ragusa, Education Specialist at USC
“Want a penny? Go kiss Jack Benny!”
“Want a nickel? Get me a pickle!”
“Want a dollar? Go upstairs and holler!”
Children’s game in Detroit, circa 1960s
Remember how fun all your various and sundry youthful back-and-forth could be?
Those first calls-and-responses, how you remained playground true? Instead of lining up the way the teachers told us, we circled up, setting off and calling out! Was your banter also cruel? Think taunting. The drawing of lines in the dirt. Telling tattletales. Topping.
At my school in Detroit, topping was expressed this way: “Capped on you!” Cap was our slang for that sharply jabbed comeback line. It could be slashing, sardonic, like an early killer app when applied rightly to knock everyone out. What Funkmaster George Clinton called playing, “the dozens.” *
“[Today] They call it ‘dissing each other,’ Clinton said. “That’s like something you doing starting at five, six, seven years old right on through school. ‘Your momma this, your poppa that’. But you aint supposed to let anyone get to you up to the point that you want to fight.”
Making words before war. Words so we wouldn’t go to war. Playing badinage badminton instead of bullying someone down to the gravel. “Up against the locker, red neck mutha!”
But can you relate today?
Not about capping on each other. I mean, as an adult, do you know how best to talk with wee ones, those beginning conversants just getting their chat on?
Welcome to their world by getting in their game, where children love to live in the best moments made available to them at the time.
By paying respectful attention to them, you get to “Be There Then” instead of off with all them other adults yoga-ing back and forth in an attempt to be here now. So cultivate convo. Arthur Miller wrote in “Death of A Salesman” that “Attention must be paid!”
To which you add: “And paid in advance! Or you get nothing!”
Back Pocket Banter
What are you doing right now?
Ever seen anybody do this? (Do some kind of repetitive physical shtick – they’ll love it.)
Hey, that’s a really nice _____ (drawing, sneaker glow-glob, skateboard)
What is that over there? By pointing out something you’ll click with them.
What games do you like to play?
Activity
If all else fails, treat them like adults. Use simple language and say something complimentary. Humans of all ages love to be complimented; you’ll be surprised at the sentences you set off.
Mimic a child. Move in outrageous ways. (Convo Tip: Doing something outrageous often beats saying something outrageous, which doesn’t turn heads anymore unless you are trying to get thrown out of a Peet’s Coffee store in North Berkeley or somewhere by being anti-pc.)
Sharing books with children is always great. Another popular way to communicate is by singing. As Catherine Blyth writes in her book The Art of Conversation A Guided Tour of a Neglected Pleasure: “The key to social harmony is taking turns and timing.” **
Studies indicate that dinner conversation is a more potent vocabulary-booster than reading, and stories around the kitchen table help children build resilience. Amy K. Weisberg, Topanga Elementary Teacher, Topanga Canyon Messenger January 16 2014
Bonus!
Actor and singer-songwriter Rob Elk offers this playful song to inspire the youngins…
Make Something!
I’m going to get some glue, maybe some string!
And in a couple of hours I’m going to make something!
Get a bunch of paper and some Play-Doh!
I’ll make some thing to last you never know!
‘Cuz I always feel great when I create a little something!
Well, its a rainy day can’t go out to play!
And who wants to watch YouTube anyway? (Used to be TV)!
Break out the scissors. Hey mamma throw in some paint!
The way I’m working so quiet you’d think I was a saint !
‘Cuz making something makes me feel so good!
Just like I knew it always would! !
Some macaroni art for my mom!
Some pipe cleaner men for my dad!
Something for you with hearts on it if you don’t make me mad!
And when I’m done. Well baby I’ve gotta run!
If you’re looking for someone to clean up this mess I’m not the one!
I’m not a janitor, I’m just a kid!
And if you think I made up this song well yes I did!
‘Cuz making something makes me feel so good!
Just like I knew it always would! !
‘Cuz I always feel great when I create a little something! !!!!!
Here’s another Rob Elk funny song, this one in time for Christmas:
http://www.madmusic.com/song_details.aspx?SongID=39390
* George Clinton interview with Gerry Fialka: http://laughtears.com/GClinton.html
** Catherine Blyth book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Conversation-Neglected-Pleasure/dp/1592404979