B F G ! Big Friendly Giant is Big Funny Talker

Adult Convo
Lalo Alcaraz

I recently saw a summer movie I loved, mostly for its language. And that language was English. “THE B F G” is a Disney movie for all ages which I recommend you see. British actor Mark Rylance plays the lead, a “Big Friendly Giant” (BFG) and his character is constantly playing with the English language in a fractured, goofy way. Seeing the film sent me to its source, the book written by Roald Dahl. As author, Dahl invented the words the B F G comes up with. Here’s a section where the B F G, after offering her something called a snozzcumber for lunch, explains to his new friend Sophie why he uses funny words:

 

‘Do we really have to eat it?’ Sophie said.

‘You do unless you is wanting to become so thin you will be disappearing into a thick ear.’

‘Into thin air,’ Sophie said. ‘A thick ear is something quite different.’

Once again that sad winsome look came into the B F G’s eyes. ‘Words,’ he said, ‘is oh such a twitch-tickling problem to me all my life. So you must simply try to be patient and stop squibbling. As I am telling you before, I know exactly what words I am wanting to say, but somehow or other they is always getting squiff-squiddled around.’

‘That happens to everyone,’ Sophie said.

‘Not like it happens to me,’ the B F G said. ‘I is speaking the most terrible wigglish.’

‘I think you speak beautifully,’ Sophie said.

‘You do?” cried the B F G, suddenly brightening. ‘You really do?’

‘Simply beautifully,’ Sophie repeated.

‘Well, that is the nicest present anybody is ever giving me in my whole life!’ cried the B F G. ‘Are you sure you is not twiddling my leg?’

‘Of course not,” Sophie said. ‘I just love the way you talk.’

‘How wondercrump!’ cried the B F G, still beaming. ‘How whoopsey-splunkers! How absolutely squiffling! I is all of a stutter.’

 

Using Funny Words

BFG makes a conversation fun, doesn’t he? Throwing in a twisted word is like a quick little tickle to his friend Sophie and she finds it beautiful. To the reader, it comes off like a surprise slap to the brain’s funny bone. You look at the word longer while trying to decipher its meaning.

When you add something wondercrumpish like the B F G does to his sentences, you are being more playful with the language. Children do this all the time, inventing words by mistake. (This is part of the appeal of author Roald Dahl who makes it fun for young readers with his funny characters.)

When you try it in conversation, it can be a witty wake-up call telling your companions, “Here’s something different. Listen to THIS!”

Tips

Next time you’re out a a restaurant, order the “ankle steak.” Whaaa? Sounds like something from a very different part of the cow don’t it?  Or how about trying the “Macabre Salad” instead of a Cobb Salad? Watch children squirm with delight. Does that mean you want a dark and scary salad? Not really, it’s a learning moment, to teach the meaning of the word macabre.

When you play with words while conversing, you get into the moment. When you toss in a goofy word, you change the moment. The listener has to stop and think about the sentence. Maybe ask a question about the word. Soon the teaching work blends together with play beautifully. (Ah, such a secret engagement!)

Making such a play in your conversation makes room enough so that ensuing conversation can become as big as your subject, big as your imagination. When you invent and explore this way, you will find interesting people interested in playing with you, too. I guarantee ya!

Quick example: the original title for this blog was “PLEASED TO MEET ME.” It is not only the title of a Replacements rock-and-roll record * — but it twists (a BFG squiff-squiggle?) around the words you would normally expect, which are: “Pleased to meet you.” Whatever does that mean? “Pleased to meet me.” I see it as a folk journalist’s attempt to engage with a subject on such a new, enlightening, or surprising level, they were glad you happened to come along!

I once began a radio report, about L.A. high schoolers being forced by the “No Child Left Behind” law to sign up for the draft, this way: “In our local high schools, the student opt-out rate is soaring.” Here I was playing on, “drop out rate.” Journalists do this all the time, trying to “capture the ear” and make the listener listen more closely to the sentence.

So just as playing with other people back-and-forth brings a folk journalist his greatest pleasure, you too can turn into a merry mythemagician the next time you find yourself cruising the old conversation station for a cuppa chit chat. Add to the mix that extra brew ‘yo, you’ll find your references soon a-flying like postmodern posts, leaving you and your partner laughing it off and changing your world one conversation at a time!

 

Bonus

Check out these Word Smithies:

“Words are the world we live in. Locution Locution Locution.” Wittgenstein

Groucho Marx once said, about to go up as the elevator door closed, “Men’s tonsils, please.” **

Modern Hebrew is like Elizabethan English. Its a marvelous instrument. I’ve even been able to invent new words where none existed before by joining certain words. Amos Oz

 

The Firesign Theatre, perhaps the greatest American comedy group, has nothing but fun with the English language: “It’s hotter than a heater in hell’s mouth in King’s Nose, Pennsylvania.” For even funnier and more accurately quoted big funny goodies from them, checkoutwww.firesigntheatre.com/

And speaking of funny conversationalists, enjoy the master (referenced above in an elevator):

 

 

Other References

* The Replacements record album  http://www.allmusic.com/album/pleased-to-meet-me-mw0000195442

** From the book BRIEF ENCOUNTERS by Dick Cavett, Henry Holt 2014  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/21/books/review/dick-cavett-by-the-book.html?_r=0

 

And one more from THE BFG by Roald Dahl

‘What happens when a giant dies?’ Sophie asked.

‘Giants is never dying,’ the B F G answered. ‘Sometimes and quite suddenly, a giant is disappearing and nobody is ever knowing where he goes to. But mostly us giants is simply going on and on like whiffsy time-twiddlers.’

www.roalddahl.com

 

 

Read More

More Awkward Convo (And Tips To Overcome Them)

 

by Ulla Puggaard
by Ulla Puggaard

Young girls they coming to the canyon

And in the morning I can see them walking.

I can no longer keep my blinds closed

And I can’t help myself from talking.

The Mamas and The Papas

 

Can’t help yourself from talking? Like Joni Mitchell: “I’m always talking/Chicken squawking.”

Sounds like you could be an aspiring folk journalist!

But remember, an awkward phase can be handled. (And it is just a phase so please keep your phasers on stun — nobody wants to get hurt here.)

Did I say phase? I meant phrase.

Either way, self-deprecation that is also funny is your best move.

Here is an actual conversation that took place in an actual restaurant. We’re in the town of Glenwood Springs, Colorado, and my friend Sally orders, “Rocky Mountain Oysters.”

SALLY: I had them once. They’re delicious.

HANK: Really?

SALLY:  Yep.

HANK: Are you sure? I heard they’re slimy.

SALLY: You’re thinking of Oysters Rockefeller. Those are very slimy.

HANK: Oh.

WAITER ARRIVES

HANK: Um, how are these prepared, like fried or garlic oysters?

WAITER: They’re deep fried, served with a barbecue sauce, sir.

HANK: Mmm. Okay.

SALLY: See?

HANK: Sounds great!

FOOD ARRIVES

HANK: These definitely look deeply-fried.

WAITER: Yes, these are your beef bull balls, sir.

PAUSE

HANK: Oh.

SALLY: Oh.

Awkward, right?

Possible lesson: Never argue with a gal named Sal, for you will not win that conversation.

 

Back Pocket Banter

What’s your method to “smooth over” uncomfortable situations?

What did you say to get out of one?

When have you found it awkward to navigate life?

What is the strangest food you’ve ever tasted?

 

Activity Guaranteed To Ease Awkwardnesses

If complimenting a person about an item of clothing doesn’t get you out of an awkward phase, try the following: Do something silly. Lift your right arm above your head, and turning your body slightly to the right, bend that right arm at the elbow, waving your hand over your head with a shout of “Woo Hoo!” At once intimate and anti-intimate (especially if employed too closely, bringing unwanted physical contact), this shticklact* I watched displayed to perfection in 1976 by a British gentleman called David Bernstein at the border between Israel and Lebanon. It proved to be a terrific communication and ice-breaking tool with non-English speakers, also amusing those in uniform.

Lesson: Put an onus of awkwardness upon yourself. This will allow others to laugh and relax.

 

* From schtick http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/shtick

 

The Mamas and Papas song “Twelve Thirty” http://genius.com/The-mamas-and-the-papas-twelve-thirty-young-girls-are-coming-to-the-canyon-lyrics

 

I’m always talking/Chicken squawking

Joni Mitchell song “Talk To Me”

http://jonimitchell.com/music/song.cfm?id=31

 

Jerry: I couldn’t make the transition from conversation to sex. There were no awkward pauses. 

George: You need an awkward pause.   

Seinfeld

 

%22conversation piece%22

Read More

CONVOS I WISH I HADN’T: Choosing the Wrong People/How Silence Can Be Golden

I’m sorry, it saves a lot of conversation.

Cary Grant (playing “Commander Andy Crewson”) in the 1957 movie Kiss Them For Me, after walking up to a civilian and punching him in the face.

 

Forgive me, gentle reader, for again and again, I have chosen unwisely. Wrongly. The people to converse with. But should this mean that violence should automatically follow?

Folk journalists must be careful when working: language is lethal! Poet Amiri Baraka warned, “Language is inflammatory and TV is the gasoline.”

But for our purposes – going against the grain and screens — by talking face-to-face, the light comedian’s touch is preferred. I try to keep more in tune with Robert Klein who sang on one of his first lps, “I had no punches/but I had a few punchlines!” *

Ya think?

I know what you’re thinking: Is folk journalism too dangerous a profession? How about as a hobby then? Because why oh why do I find myself on the end of so many fists?

(The term, “wrong end of a fist” seems weird to me. The right end of a fist is the wrist, right? Never been punched by a wrist, have you?)

The folk journalist’s wish to talk to someone is a seeking to bring a person into my world. Someone not myself. Bring them in, make them part of my family. And perhaps add interesting stories to my life. Like Bob Dylan put it in Black Diamond Bay: “Seems every time you turn around/there’s another hard luck story that you’re gonna hear/And there’s nothing anyone can say.”

Well Bob, actually there is a lot they can say. To me. And one reason to make the attempt by asking is that aside from other people (and nature’s forests, etc), there is nothing left to do alone but record or write down the words.  And then continue to tell them.

After all, who are you by yourself if you’re not connecting with another human being? But is there a safe line you can attach to keep the convo from crashing?

Safety Line Attached

Bruce Springsteen sings that he’s, “just a scared and lonely rider” in Born To Run, and the fear is definitely a factor folk journalists live with. Perhaps there are people I shouldn’t be talking to. Is it true they can smell the fear?

It is 1992, I’m strolling with a friend in New York’s Little Italy after seeing the movie Hairspray, John Waters’ movie about race relations in the 1960s. Another couple passes by. I exclaim, “Hairspray!” a remark to my friend to notice how the couple passing us both wear throwback piled-high big hair-dos just like….D’oh! Two seconds later, I’m being chased down Mulberry Street and ducking to hide inside a bodega behind the two Dominican brothers who run the joint hoping they’ll protect me.

The guy in the passing couple wanted to punch me out! Can you believe it?

Thus, I learned that no matter if you offer it with joyous intent or simply as an icebreaker, every comment/outburst does not lead to conversation.

 Hank's Liquor

Back Pocket Banter

Ever go over the line in conversation? What happens?

Do you remain silent in situations where you’d like to speak? Why?

What situations have you found yourself in where silence was required?

What’s the oddest or scariest situation brought on by something you said?

Ever tried to converse with silliness as a way out of a dangerous situation?

Peace Fingers

Activity

Some conversations MUST TO AVOID

– Once a movie starts. Come on people!

– Bicycle to car. Car to bicycle convo seems safe (aside from “Get the heck outta my way!”) but there are way too many variables the other way.

– Talking with Rebels. I’m talking about the Upstarts Upstairs. Best to let the kids have their music. Includes keeping leaders of NYC’s Savage Skulls motorcycle club at the long end of your recording device. Interviewing this fellow, I wondered why he wore a swastika button on his leather jacket. His answer: “I wear that because I don’t believe in that. Nazis-ism and shit.”

(Oh. Okay. Who could challenge that? Not even Wordsworth could’ve made words work there.)

– With someone already multitasking. When they’re walking, talking or telling you their computer problems? Best to maintain silence.

– Talking to Someone Speaking in Tongues is not a good idea. Why interrupt?  Also true around Zombies or anyone else giving chase and

(Whoops. Hadda get outta there.) 

 

* Favorite Robert Klein record, his second lp, from 1974.

http://www.allmusic.com/album/mind-over-matter-mw0000310584

More re Klein: http://www.ajhs.org/robertklein

 

 

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Will Rogers

 

A tall cool one from Seattle

arm wrestling photo

Read More

If King Lear Sent Texts

weird garage light on PCH

We join Shakespeare’s King Lear in the middle of texting his best friend the Earl of Kent, the back and forth going forthwith like this…

KING LEAR

No.

KENT

Yes.

KING LEAR

No, I say.

KENT

I say, yea.

KING LEAR

No, no, they would not.

KENT

Yes, they have.

KING LEAR

By Jupiter, I swear, no.

KENT

By Juno, I swear, ay.

KING LEAR

They durst not do ‘t;

Now check the play, Act 2 Scene 4. This is actually how they talk to each other. In what, the 16th century?

http://www.folgerdigitaltexts.org/html/Lr.html

So what does that say about Shakespeare?  What does it say about social media?

Post-texting, what do you think will be the next big thing to come along? (Go Mindlink!)

Well, my friends, the world we’ve built for our children is too strange they may not even want to know when it gets here.  Who knows, perhaps we’ll be speaking Elizabethan face to face.

Meanwhile, this bantering between the Earl and the King kinda make me think of Warren Zevon’s, Werewolves of London: “He’s the hairy-handed gent who ran amok in Kent!”

http://genius.com/Warren-zevon-werewolves-of-london-lyrics

weird garage light on PCH

Folk Journalistical Historical Note: Mr. Zevon came to the San Francisco radio station where I worked in the late 1970s and left us a promotional version of the song: “Ah-ooo werewolves of KSAN!”

 

Read More

Convo Everywhere (An occasional series)

WEATHER OR NOT

“Rain is coming.”

What’s that you say?

Just another sorta darn decent quick-opener. That’s what folk journalists call it.

Something to get it started. A convo popper if you will.

Try it sometime. I did, with excellent results just this morning outside a Peet’s in Santa Monica.

A gentlemen sat down and I said, looking at the sky: “Rain’s comin’.”

You could smell it. (Not the conversation, the rain.)

But indeed this did lead to a lovely conversation with this fellow. A jazz musician just back from Japan, trying to recover he said because he was so jet-lagged from a 14-hour flight.

“How long were you in Japan?” I ventured. Two months, he told me, adding how awful it was trying to get his bass clarinet in the overhead bin of the airplane due to the protestations of the host aboard Thai Air who wanted him to check it, but of course he made it fit.

“Never fly Thai,” he said.

Then he pulled out his phone and showed me two wonderful spots in Thailand where warm springs run not far from a hideaway cabin.

“I didn’t play any music there,” he said. “I just sat and wrote music.”

In downtown Osaka he lived with his wife in a hotel while he played. How wonderful the Japanese people were to him. But although they loved jazz in Tokyo, “in Osaka, I don’t know what kind of music that was.”

With the coming rain came the end of our conversation. He bowed a farewell, told me about some music he cut with jazz legend Kenny Barron and where to find it on YouTube.

Conversations everywhere!

 

Until next time...
Until next time…

 

http://paulfleisher-sax.com

http://kennybarron.com

Read More

PoMo ConVo

PoSt MoDeRn CoNvERsaTiOnS

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT WHAT WE TALK ABOUT LIKE WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT BEFORE

 

sketch by Flash Rosenberg
sketch by Flash Rosenberg

My compliments to the ocean.

Dick Cavett in a restaurant after being served a nice piece of fish.

 

A good folk journalist makes for a good emcee. Like Mr. Cavett, bringing the table together. A Master of Ceremonies. Bring on the Fun Conversations. That’s me!

How does one speak MC ?

Here’s one thing to try: Offer remarks that bring the most amount of people together at one time:

“Well, it looks like introductions are in order!”

“Did you make that yourself?”

“What’s your sign?” (Mine is Slippery When Wet. Thanks to Wavy Gravy for this.)

 

From “Twentieth Century Etiquette, An Up-To-Date Book For Polite Society” by Annie Randall White

So are you ready to emcee yourself?

[See QUICK OPENERS, DECEMBER 7 2015 for Paul Sills’ advice: “Encourage the laggards.”]

Expert Catherine Blythe suggests in her book The Art of Conversation aiming for about four minutes before cutoff. No longer than that. Keep that convo moving, “like a good game of Frisbee.” Otherwise, she says, it becomes boring — I mean, people and their freakin’ monologues, right?

http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Conversation-Neglected-Pleasure/dp/1592404979

Q: What is having to listen to somebody talk for fifty minutes and not getting paid?

A: The opposite of therapy!

How does a folk journalist avoid that happening?

A lot of people get into conversations just to let you know who they are. They have no interest in you. (Hard to believe, right?) So why bother listening to them playing the same tape made-to-impress? And how to get an edge in word-wise and actually have conversations with people who talk a lot?

Folk journalists know that wrangling the ego of such a talker takes semi-masterful talk techniqueing. So here’s how to enjoy listening to them, even as they go on and on ad infinitum.

The growing field of Ethnomonology* is here. Finally!

Taught online usually, for profit, and soon to be a major growth industry, ETM teaches that humanity’s monologues may actually teach us about said person rattling saying along. There’s the guy who narrates his lives as he goes through it. Often you see him with ear buds and a phone, describing what corner he’s approaching (BEING HERE THEN!). He often uses Elmore Leonard’s “marijuana tense”** which author Martin Amis describes as dialogue using a present participle that creates a hazy sort of meandering now: “Bobby saying,” and then the dialogue follows.

If this seems difficult to handle, don’t despair. Think this is hard — try living in Papua, New Guinea; at least one tribe there speaks in 17 different tenses.

Languages of Papua: http://www.ethnologue.com/country/PG/languages

 

Say Whaaa?
LBJ giving me an earful

 

“You get my drift?”

– I’m following your smoke.

Still however, you may find yourself learning very little by listening. Nothing, maybe?

When walking with such individually-linked to themselves lingua leaders, remember this: Out amongst his own self, desiring nothing more than to be marveled at/gazed upon, heard in all his incredible incrudibleness, which he believes after all to be the next evolutionary stage of a human being — doubtful: By observing you may still pick up a lot of visual information to enjoy and/or play with.

Or as Yogi Bear once put it: Heyyy Boo Boo, from this viewpoint we can get a better outlook! (Or was that Yogi Berra?)

But if all your emcee attempts fail, chalk it up to what Holden Caulfield describes as, referring to conversations, “Goddam boring ones.” In Catcher In The Rye, he gets involved in more than two dozen confabs. But don’t worry, some of them he finds, “slightly intellectual.” ***

Finally, if still in doubt, you can blame it on The System, referring yourself to this Firesign Theater video: 

Confidence in The System https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDqk8o6y13Y&feature=kp]

Enjoy!

 

Invented for entertainment purposes only.

** Elmore Leonard’s “marijuana tense”  http://austinkleon.com/2005/12/22/elmo-leonards-present-participle/

*** J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher In The Rye is terrific for lovers of conversation: http://mentalfloss.com/article/64836/13-things-you-might-not-know-about-catcher-rye

 

with Paradise Lost at UCSD
Paradise Lost found near Geisel Library on the campus of UCSD

 

 

Read More