To have at your disposal what the best conversationalists have: a wealth of experience to draw on.
Sherry Turkle, ALONE TOGETHER: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less From Each Other
To be Open.
Unafraid.
Creative.
Some people talk the talk. But they do not walk the walk.
As a folk journalist you must walk the talk. Whenever possible.
In other words, your words must move the conversation somewhere.
Take the story further. Farther even. With questions, retorts and ripostes disrupting daily dullness.
Ask someone, “Do you know what I’ve been thinking about all week?” They generally may respond: “No, what?” Because, let’s face it, they have no way of knowing what you’ve been thinking. Unless you are reading this, “In the year 2525, if man can survive, then they may find,” that we can read each other’s minds.*
* A song by Zaeger & Evans I had on a 45 in 1969.
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/z/zager+and+evans/in+the+year+2525_20647779.html
A better one, that relates to today’s WT theme, is REM’s “Walk Unafraid.”
http://www.songlyrics.com/r-e-m/walk-unafraid-lyrics/
Likewise, if you offer: “How soft your lips look,” you must walk the talk.
Meaning: Take it elsewhere. To them lips, to the chin, or take it on the chin – it doesn’t matter. “Actions speak louder than words” goes the expression. But did you know that actions prompt words, too? Walking, for instance, stimulates the body and mind, fueling conversation.
Folks who live in places like Michael Moore’s, “Upnorthistan” know this especially. It is why we long for spring – you get out and walk around more. We know when you do that you find yourself chatting with a person tripping down the cobblestones with all winter in silence.
Flaneurs tend toward more lollygagging (which can be lethal in winter). Flanerie will often get you everywhere and nowhere. Drolling instead of trolling, on the run off the cuff or on the q.t. They are master multi-taskers. Nurse-slash-diva mensches who may hail from places like Media, PA., but are neither schnorrer nor schlemiel. Are they schlubs because they like to hang around the café society scenes on every other corner? They prefer a table for three, still realizing that in some societies, “people eat in silence as a sign of respect and focus,” as The Art of Civilized Conversation, A guide to Expressing Yourself with Style & Grace, by Margaret Shepherd tells us.
http://link.arapahoelibraries.org/portal/Art-of-civilized-conversation.–The-art-of/e1dzqt6a5rs/
A flaneur may be at once, “the World’s Most Ridiculous Man,” eavesdropping for the hell of it, as primitive as any saunter-gatherer who sniffs the air for stories, and also the hunter who explores, uncovers, and reveals their city before it all goes away.
Back Pocket Banter
What is the longest time you’ve talked to someone at a café?
What is our favorite hangout and why?
When was the last time you mailed a letter? How about a postcard? Okay then, a card that went into an envelope for someone’s birthday or anniversary?
Do you ever listen to yourself and hear what you are actually saying?
Activity
Compared to today’s throwaway conversation, letter writing is a meditative act. Try it.
A trick of the flaneur is to try and eavesdrop on your own conversation. What would you like to be saying right now? What would that conversation sound like for you? (Don’t ask me; only you can make it so.)
In her memoir “Yes Please,” Amy Poehler said she gets funny lines while listening to people deliver monologues on their cell phones. Paul Krassner told a joke in the 1990s about giving cell phones to the homeless so they would not look like they were talking to themselves. Joshua Wolf Shenk writes: “Indeed, thinking itself is a kind of download of dialogue between ourselves and others. And when we listen to creative people describe breakthrough moments that occur when they are alone, they often mention the sensation of having a conversation in their own minds.”*
* http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/20/opinion/sunday/the-end-of-genius.html
What do you think he meant by this?
Look back on your conversation – what can be learned? Look forward to your next conversation – what can be prepared for, directed into a deeper discussion?
Bonus Activity
Annotate annotate annotate: Print up a recent texting convo you conducted. Send it back to the other person, only this time adding in bold what you think was really meant by each sentence. An annotation dives deeper into what went on between you two while you were saving all that time texting instead of writing letters.
Tips
Slow down. Upon greeting a fellow human, instead of digitally registering at hypersonic speed, greet and note to yourself (or to them) what inner conversation pops to mind: is it their clothes, their gait, their grooming? Like a digital printout outside your hard drive, conversation broken down can lead to discovering much more about each other.
It is very hard to nail down a human being, isn’t it? You get one pegged and realize you’ve peeled just one layer of some sweet onion. When Tom Hayden ran for Governor of California he described himself this way: “I’m Jeffersonian in terms of democracy, Thoreauvian in terms of the environment, and Crazy Horse in terms of social movements.” (And Harold Stassen in terms of elections? Zing! I kid Tom.)
Personally
Garrison Keillor used to write a column called “Mr. Blue” for Salon.com that offered advice to the lovelorn word slinger. It was like sitting with him in a café contemplating jazz. I wrote asking if he thought it was all right to eavesdrop in cafes. He wrote back saying you betcha.
Two books: Sherry Turkle’s: http://alonetogetherbook.com
My friend and flaneur, Leonard Pitt, has a memoir of Paris and Detroit coming out next month called, “My Brain On Fire.”
It is great to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then. Poet Richard Armour
http://articles.latimes.com/1989-03-01/news/mn-582_1_richard-armour
Need to talk? Remember, as Ian Drury wrote: You’re never alone with a schizophrenic.